Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Fifth Factor

It's official. I'm a mutant. Genetic testing came back positive for Factor V Leiden. Factor V Leiden is an inherited disorder the causes my blood to clot 3 to 8 times easier than "normal" humans (pussies). I have the less severe form of the disorder. My genetic testing indicated that I am heterozygous for the defective gene. The genetic information from one of my parents has the defect. I must have inherited it from my father. He has had blood clots in the past.
Some interesting facts about Factor V Leiden.

***5% of the caucasian population and 1 1/2 % of the african american population are afflicted
***heterozygotes (one defective gene) are 3 to 8 times more likely to form clots
***homozygotes (both genes are defective) are 30 to 140 times more likely to form clots
***most individuals with the disorder are unaware they have it until a blood clot forms
***The disorder is a result of one nucleotide base error (#1691) on the Factor V gene. Guanine is misplaced by Adenine which results in an incorrect amino acid. The incorrect amino acid prevents the complex chain of events from occurring resulting in hypercoagulation (excessive clotting).
***Treatment is indefinite anti-coagulation therapy (blood thinners)
***vitamin K is involved in clotting

So, I guess I'll have to give up on my cage fighting dream. Sigh


Endurosnob said...

Dude, I'm Wolverine. Get your own damn super hero. I see your tall skinny ass as Mr. Fantastic. I know he's not a mutant, but close enough.

Also, when a hot young thing asks you how your different from the other guys, don't use this story.

3p0 said...


get well soon cornbread.

doesn't beer thin out blood.

put down the drugs and pick up a 6pack

Tony T said...

no more leafy vegetables, cheese, liver, asparagus, coffee, bacon and green tea for you.


I'm gonna report you to the gov't for being a non-registered mutant. And then they're gonna send one of them giant, Sentinal robots after you. Then you're gonna have to slit your veins and shoot radio-active blood clots at the bitch. And then John will have to call upon all his beer induced foos-ball bezerker rage and expel lightning bolts out his mohawk at the 'bot.

Then you guys will have destroyed it and Apocalypse will get pissed and come after you guys. Then you'll have to go underground and live in the sewers of Lincoln, being aided by the Morlocks (who strangely enough end up being every freak and drunkard that ever bugged us at Cycle Works).

Yes, I was a comic book geek.

Cornbread said...

ROFL! Tony, you are a comic book geek! That was awesome!

Skip, I guess I need to come up with an original name for my mutant self. Maybe, Factor V. That sounds badass.

Unfortunately my mutant powers suck. I mean, wtf can I do with the ability to make my blood clot easier than mere mortals? If I had the opposite disorder (hemophilia) I could at least make a mess by bleeding all over the place. Anyone have ideas?

NNs said...

Maybe the strangest thing I possibly could have read today. I like the diagrams. Really helped me understand that you are a huge nerd. Anyway, hope all is well.

The White Mexican said...

I always suspected that you were the homozygote type, not that there is anything wrong with that...
I will call you, dawg! now that you are laid up, you can hang out with my fat ass and get yo' drink and yo' smoke on...

Not so rotten said...

Factor "vee" or factor "5". I could go a bunch of ways of verbal/type abuse w/ either so make up you mind quick. With all this spare time on my hands, I've got almost as much time to blog as sox.

SOX said...

Fuck off, mohawk. You go to the big red desert and suddenly you think your hot shit? What, you get a taste of the same radioactive sand that killed "The Duke"? You only WISH you could blog as hardcore as I do.